I currently live and have always lived in what you might call a dirty house. It’s very, very dirty and disgusting, but it’s also a hoarder’s house, 16-year-old Hayden Violet admitted in an honest and vulnerable post on TikTok.
He shared that his family home affected his childhood not only the dynamics of those who lived there, but also the physical space they occupied. She explained that her parents’ hoarding and cleaning tendencies affected her and her siblings, from their relationships and planning for the future to their self-esteem and confidence.
The child of hoarding parents admitted that her messy home took a toll on her and her siblings.
While parents think they’re only affecting themselves when they live in a home like this, she said, they’re also affecting their children.
While her father seems unashamed of the state of their home, this is not the case for Violet’s mother. “My mother is humiliated by our house,” he said. “She apologizes over and over again when people come over.
Although only 6% of Americans have a hoarding disorder that affects their living space, it’s not uncommon for people to face other barriers to keeping a clean home, whether it’s time, stress, money, or simply lack of cleaning skills.
Despite the current state of their home, Violet admitted that her family will often spend an entire week cleaning, but only when people are expected to come over.
“I remember cleaning for about a week beforehand and intensively cleaning every room in the house because we had to at least have it manageable before people came over,” she said. “And our handyman wasn’t even clean.”
This process reinforced a kind of stress and urgency in the cleaning routine that she and her siblings took up: those were the most stressful days of my life. We were cleaning for hours and hours all day long.
Not only have siblings developed an unhealthy view of cleanliness, but they also struggle with relationship anxiety as a result.
There are two types of children who come out of a hoarder’s home. It’s me and my brothers, she said, explaining that she “obsessively cleans her room and keeps [her] space so organized that when others move things, [she gets] intensely stressed
The lack of control her parents raised affected her perspective on her personal space and belongings, cultivating a sense of insecurity and anxiety in the place she was supposed to feel most comfortable.
As my mother taught me, I’m incredibly anxious about messy spaces,” she said. “I don’t actually leave my room these days as I’m living. [with my parents]. Outside my room is the danger zone.
His brothers, however, have a completely different view. According to Violet, they don’t know how to clean anything, and she worries that they will repeat their parents’ habits in their future homes.
The state of her home has also made it difficult for Violet to maintain healthy relationships with others, as she worries about people’s perception of her.
“People coming to my house for the first time is honestly the most embarrassing scenario I can be in,” she said. I’m aware of how messy my house is, but I try to cover it up for whatever reason.”
Most of my friends have never seen my house, and they never will,” she added. “I just don’t trust them that way yet, and I honestly don’t want them to change their opinion of me.”
After facing criticism in the comments, Violet reminded viewers that it’s never children’s responsibility to make up for their parents’ flaws.
After sharing her story and reflecting on how her parents influenced her and her siblings, she was sadly surprised to see the comments that began to flood in under the post. Some of them were not only violently ignorant having never experienced anything like it, but also blamed her for their circumstances.
Why not clean the house yourself? wrote one commenter. Your parents have to work, the stress can be debilitating. It is a space where you live.
Not only is it irresponsible to blame a 16-year-old victim and her younger siblings for her home situation and environment, it is also completely inappropriate.
It’s not my responsibility to teach myself as a small child how to clean myself, she replied confidently in an updated video. If I have parents around me who don’t know how to clean, I won’t grow up knowing how.
Who has time to put energy into it when no one else is around to help?” he continued. “This video was made for the kids who could never have friends and to this day can’t have a significant other because you’re too anxious .
Violet’s situation serves as a reminder that our parents really do wield incredible power over our lives. Even the mundane, everyday schedules they engage in can leave a lasting impact on who their children grow up to be as adults.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango focusing on health and wellness, social policy and human interest stories.
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